Continued
by MissLTears
Summary: Beginning wrote before Mortal Coil, chapter 5 starts after mortal coil. Story so much better than summary. Fletcherie forever! New bad guy...maybe. Myself will be included at some point in the story, look for me, Lunar Tears. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Sanguine's guts were on fire. The burning ate at his insides while he panted on the floor. The girl. The girl did this to him. He had her murder just in his grasps, but he failed to do it. He cold only wait until that day made sense. That was when Vaurien Scapegrace wandered through the door.  
"Get out of my face you wretched little moron!" He screeched at him.  
"Yes, Master," he whispered, "but the new Zombie Horde was wondering what we do next." Sanguine stared at Scapegrace with pure hatred. How did he believe this idiot was a Killer Supreme? Why was he lettin' him live now?  
"Well, I don't know. So you tell your little horde, that they just have to wait. And if you dare come to me with such insolent questions again then I will kill y'all off, one by one. Am I clear?"  
"Yes, Master," he said and left.  
Hate zombies. Hate Scapegrace. Hate the girl. His mind ran over what she said the last time... He really wanted to get at the girl. He couldn't kill her, she was too "special". But intimidating her wouldn't be that bad, would it? He heard that her friends never died. Well, if he couldn't have her, then he'd have to have all her little friends then. Sanguine wondered if he could kill Skulduggery Pleasant. The Skeleton Detective. Sanguine liked to see the fear in his prey's eyes as the blood ran out of their body. It would be a waste to kill the detective. He made the plan more fun. The girl would be in pieces without her little detective. Patsy Cline's Crazy filled the room. He would have to change that ringtone. Sanguine looked at the number and flipped open the phone and held it to his ear.  
"Hello, Chains,"he said.  
"Do you have the device?" He asked. No greetings. The strong and silent type.  
"Yes. Got Scapegrace and his brainless minions guarding it. Told 'em not to touch it though."  
"Are you sure that they can be trusted?"  
"Yeah. They got nowhere else to go. Pretty sure he knows if he don't do what I say then he's dead. Well, more dead. He's still annoyed I ripped his arm off the last time." Sanguine smiled at the memory.  
"You need to be ready, Sanguine. Now the Sanctuary's gone, they're making mistakes. But, they've still got Detective Pleasant. I need you to do a little research task, Sanguine. Go to The Old information broker. See what he knows of Darquess. Then tell me what he knows."  
"The Old information broker?" Sanguine asked, shocked.  
"Yes. Is there a problem?"  
"No, but where is he? I thought he died a long time ago, to be honest."  
"Where do you think he is? The Old Street."  
"Hmm. Should have figured that out, really." Chains hung up. Darquesse? Chains wanted to know more of a girl who's supposed to bring back the end of the world? Great. Sanguine's smile got even wider. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Dawn announced the arrival of a new day. Valkyrie shot out of her bed then crawled on the floor. She lay there panting. Slowly, she got up. Another nightmare. She dressed and went to the mirror. It was a Saturday so she didn't need to have her school uniform on. Skulduggery was picking her up today, something about a surprise call he wanted to investigate. She didn't know why he didn't send Fletcher. She wanted to see Fletcher now. There were two other people she wanted to see too, though. She guessed that Fletcher would pop in later - literally. So she went downstairs and froze on the door to the kitchen. Her mam and dad were there. Her mam was staring at her dad, the four month bump sticking out. Her dad was there, in her mum's clothes.  
"What's going on?" Valkyrie asked as she moved over to the fridge.  
"It's "appreciate your wife" day at work. So I have appreciated what your mother wears every day. I think if I added make-up it would be too much, wouldn't it?"  
"Mam has a skirt? Where did you get that from?"  
"Probably the 80's. I think the last time she wore this was on our honeymoon." Her Dad stroked the skirt.  
"How did you fit in the clothes?"  
"I stretched them. Then sewed them. And added similar material."Her Dad smiled.  
Valkyrie ate a spoonful of cereal. She munched on it for a while, trying not to throw up. "How long have you been planning this?"  
"Since they announced it. I thought it would be a surprise!"  
"It sure is," Valkyrie muttered. She ate the rest of her cereal and put it in the sink. She didn't sit around - her dad's appearance was too disturbing. Her Mum was still staring at him. Her Dad was the strangest person. They thought Uncle Gordon was strange... Oh. She'd planned on visiting Gordon today. She'll go after she'd seen Skulduggery. She was walking slowly up the stairs until she heard a clatter.  
She hurried up the stairs and opened the door. Her heart sped, then sunk, then felt a stabbing pain at what she saw.  
It was Fletcher.  
Fletcher was with...  
Fletcher was k,k,k...  
No.  
No.  
Fletcher was stood there, kissing the reflection.  
He was kissing her. Kissing it.  
He didn't even notice Valkyrie standing there.  
How could he? Could he not tell the difference? Between Valkyrie and an emotionless being? A thing? He still didn't see her standing there.  
She tried not to let him see how hurt she was, as she spoke, but failed. Her voice cracked. It was like she had shattered into a million pieces. "Fletcher?" She asked. She was hoping this was a dream. But she'd already had the nightmare.  
Fletcher turned towards her, with alarm in his eyes. His eyes swept between Valkyrie and the reflection, sudden realisation crossing his features. Valkyrie went to the window and jumped. Her landing was slightly rocky but she was running off at a sprint that Fletcher didn't have a hope of matching. Fletcher watched her run away. He didn't even call her name.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Valkyrie was sitting on a hill. The hill was deserted. Nobody had been here for seven months. The place flooded Valkyrie with memories. She couldn't bear it any more. Valkyrie didn't usually cry, but today she could make an exception. She would have to leave soon. The hill lay under the stars. It was beautiful on a night. You could look up at the stars or down at the people below her. She didn't know what to do. She was getting older. That meant she was becoming Darquesse. She couldn't be her. Stephanie Edgely, Valkyrie Cain, would not be her. But now her heart was broken. Could Fletcher not tell the difference between her and the reflection?

Valkyrie was pondering that when she became aware of someone beside her. She looked around, alarmed, but then recognised the silent form. Caelan. He was the last person Valkyrie wanted to see right now.  
"Everybody is looking for you," he said. She looked away.  
"What are you doing here?" She asked.  
"I guessed you might be here," he said. She looked back at him. His eyes were dark and gentle.  
"Then why didn't you send... the others?" She asked.  
"I wanted to check for myself," he said.  
"How do you know about this place?" She asked, suddenly curious. This was where her and Fletcher had their first date.  
He shrugged. "Fletcher is very... confident and... Well, he talks. A lot." Caelan smiled. Valkyrie didn't. She rised and began to walk away, when Caelan caught her wrist. Goosebumps rose. It was the first time he'd ever touched her. She looked up.  
"Valkyrie, I... I really care about you." It was the first time she'd ever seen him look nervous. "What I'm trying to say is, Valkyrie, I really, I... Look, I..." Valkyrie stared at him, bewildered. She pulled her wrist out of his grasp. He looked deeply unsettled. "Valkyrie, I... I really... I mean, I deeply... I truly, I truly lo-"  
He was interupted by a sudden pop and a "Valkyrie?"  
She turned to see Fletcher with wide-eyes. He was filthy. His jeans were torn and face plastered with dirt and sweat. Tears filled Valkyries eyes. Seeing him like this made her feel hollow. All she wanted to do was to hug him tight, tell him she was okay and never let go. He staggered forward. She wrapped her arms around him. Then they teleported. They were in his hotel room. She cried on his shirt for half an hour. He just lay there, letting her cry there. He stroked her hair until he finally gathered the courage to speak.  
"Valkyrie, I am so sorry. I never thought, I just-"  
"Take me to my room," she said. Her voice was firm. She pulled away and looked at Fletcher. "Take me to my room!" She repeated.  
"O-Okay," he said. He took her hand and teleported to her room. The reflection was sitting on the bed. The window was open, a breeze blowing through. She walked towards the reflection and waved to the mirror. The reflection walked into it and waited. Valkyrie touched the mirror and the memories flooded back...

...She was on the bed. Waiting. Valkyrie is going to come back up soon. Fletcher's appeared. He looks... worried.  
"Valkyrie?" He says. He sees me on the bed and comes over. I open my mouth to say that Valkyrie will be back soon, but he kisses me. Blank. Valkyrie is here. She looks angry. She says something. Now she looks upset. She walks out and Fletcher goes to the window where she went. I sit on the bed and wait...

"What's happened Fletcher?" Valkyrie asked, her eyes closed.  
"Well, I-"  
"No, you looked worried, before you-"  
"Oh, yes. Finbar says he's getting closer to seeing who Darquesse is. He says he knows her. He says he's seen her recently. But now Kenspeckle has him. He's been attacked."


	4. Chapter 4

**The girl in this chapter is me!**

* * *

Chapter 4

Sanguine strolled through the corridors of his 'home'. He hated this place. It was just so _dirty_. Cobwebs and dust bunnies filled every corner. He smiled as he thought of Tanith Low. There was a sudden pop and a girl with black hair stood in front of him. She had sparkling green eyes and was remarkably beautiful. She was wearing a black dress made of a special material. Sanguine groaned. Not her again.

"Hello!" She beamed. Sanguine glared (if you can do that with no eyes) at her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. When did she just GO AWAY? People need to rest for goodness sake's!

"Thought I'd just pop in and say hello," she said.

"Now that you have, will you go away please?" Actually, he said something else, but I've rated this a K, so I'm not going to put that.

"That wasn't very nice," the girl said, her childlike eyes looking sad. They contrasted with her grown-up face. Sanguine would have felt sorry, if she hadn't annoyed him nearly every day this week. He'll never forget that Tuesday, 24 glorious hours of silence. "And for that," she carried on, "I will make you pay for your love of Texas!"

"I don't love Texas!" It's warmer than here, but still, he grew up there, which were horrid years.

"Now you do!" She said, and Sanguine felt something different but it was gone the moment after.

"I don't feel any different," he said.

"Look at your shirt," she said. Sanguine looked down at his black shirt, but instead was a white one with I HEART TEXAS on it. It was horrible. Sanguine tried to take it off, but couldn't.

"Get this off me!" He screamed. But with a giggle she was gone.

Damn, teleporters. Hang on, teleporters...?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

This is weird. Valkyrie was in her teacher's classroom, but there was a different figure at the end. The figure was writing complicated algebra on the board. He turned around and Valkyrie froze in shock. Blonde hair standing on end, full lips pressed in a line, and penetrating blue eyes.

"Fletcher?" Valkyrie asked, when she could speak again.

"Are... Miss Cain, so glad that you could finally join us."

"Us...?"

Only then did Valkyrie realise they were surrounded by students from her school.

"Now Miss Cain will you please take your allecated seat." Fletcher gestured to a seat next to a quite good-looking boy, obviously older than her.

"This is weird," Valkyrie murmured, as she sat down.

"Your telling me," the boy said. Valkyrie recognised the voice, it was...

"Skulduggery?" She whispered.

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"No talking in my class!" Fletcher shouted.

"Fletcher, what's going on?" Valkyrie asked.

"You tell me, Miss Cain! You tell me! Here I am, teaching a fairly stupid class, fairly simple algebra, and you waltz in and disrupt me!"

"Did you say I waltzed in?"

"I believe I did."

"Since when did I waltz?"

"Since you waltzed in."

"I think you need better come-backs"

"I think you need better shoes"

"What's wrong with my shoes?" Valkyrie frowned as she looked down at her feet. She realised she was being silly, so instead she asked, "What on Earth is going on?"

"You're having a dream!" A girl said as she popped out of thin air. She had black hair, with sparkling green eyes. She had porcelain skin and was quite tall. She was almost as beautiful as China, but not quite.

"Who are you?" Valkyrie asked.

"My name is Lunar Tears," she said. Her eyes were shining with anticipation.

"Did you say I am dreaming?"

"Yes!" She shouted. Her lips were smiling.

"Okay... So how do you know that?"

"Because I, unlike everything else in this room, am real," she explained still smiling.

Valkyrie still didn't understand. "Why?"

"I wanted to know what it would be like if Fletcher was clever. It's slightly disturbing." Valkyrie looked over at Fletcher who was muttering to himself, something about x being the square root of pi. Mmm... Pie.

"I don't like pie, personally," Lunar said and with a pop she disappeared. No! She never told Valkyrie how to get out...

"Fletcher, don't you want to do your hair or something?" Even that was better than this.

"Miss Cain that is most certainly steriotypical. Do you think it because I am a slightly younger generation than most professors here? I am more than capable. Now after this we will be doing perpendicular lines. Then, we will move on to biology, doing photosynthesis and specialised cells," Fletcher turned back to the board.

Valkyrie sat back in her seat and waited through Fletcher's lectures for this nightmare to end.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

They were playing hide and seek. Tanith needed to play a game after recovering from getting the remnant out of her. They had decided on hide and seek. Skulduggery was seeking. He wasn't allowed to read the air and Fletcher wasn't allowed to teleport. Skulduggery put his blindfold on and they squirmed to hide.

1, 2, 3, 4,

Tanith walked onto the ceiling, hanging upside down next to the lightshade. The only thing that could give her away was her silhouette. Ghastly hid behind a curtain, fixing it so it looked normal. Fletcher hid under Skulduggery's bed. Valkyrie frowned. She walked over to the kichen. She cleared out a big cupboard silently and hid inside there.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,

Valkyrie noticed a chocolate bar in the corner. She opened it and started chewing.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15,

Valkyrie finished her chocolate bar and put the wrapper down.

16, 17, 18, 19, 20! Ready or not here I come!

*Half an hour later*

"Come on Val, Fletch, where are you?"

Skulduggery had found Tanith and Ghastly quickly. Ghastly first then Tanith. But no one had found Fletcher or Valkyrie. Valkyrie had gotten bored easily. She was considering turning herself in. This hiding place wasn't that good. How was Fletcher managing...? Fletcher had probably already teleported. Of course. So did that mean she won?

*Half an hour later*

They still hadn't found her. This was so silly. Were they doing this on purpose? Suddenly, there was a crack of light as the door opened. Finally, Valkyrie thought. The figure jumped back in shock. Valkyrie saw that the figure was Fletcher.

"Oh, it's just you." He said.

"Charming," Valkyrie muttered.

"You know what I mean," he whispered.

"I thought you teleported," Valkyrie replied.

"And let you win?"

"So what are you doing?" Valkyrie hissed. They'd catch them at any minute.

"I'm hungry," he said.

Valkyrie felt her stomach rumble. "So am I," she said.

"Do you want to go for pizza?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Okay," and they teleported.

Meanwhile, Skulduggery was noticing his revolver was missing.

Three hours later, they returned, to three very unhappy people.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Hey, Sanguine!" Lunar Tears appeared from nowhere to see Billy-Ray Sanguine, crumpled on the ground, weeping. "Oh, get over it. You're a grown man!"

"But, I- I loved her!" Lunar sighed. "Why did I lose her?" Sanguine cried.

"Because it was creepy the idea of you and her, together," Lunar shuddered.

"You mean you did this?" He asked with red eyes. Lunar thought for a second.

"Well, yeah. But I have something for you to do to take your mind off it!" Lunar cheered. Her eyes lit up in excitement.

"Like what?" Sanguine shouted, angry at Lunar. He sneered at her and flashed his straight razor, clutched so tightly. Lunar was gone a second, then reappeared with his straight razor in her delicate hands. The weapon looked odd placed there.

"Now, now. Why on Earth would you need this?" She batted her eyelashes in innocence. She slipped it into a pocket he couldn't see.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, rather grumpily.

"I told you. I came here to give you a job."

"What kind of job?"

"I want you to annoy someone," she said.

Sanguine laughed. "I don't annoy people. I'll kill someone, but not annoy," Sanguine laughed, for the first time in many months.

"Fine. Just be around him, that should do it," she said.

"What's in it for me?" Sanguine said. Lunar pulled a bag of money out of a satchel. Sanguin looked at the money. "How much?"

" 10, 000"

"What about dollars?"

"$15, 000"

"Okay, who do you want me to 'be around'?"

"His name's Caelan. He's a vampire who lives in the Midnight Hotel."

"A vampire?" Sanguine asked, a new edge to his voice.

"Yes, just talk to him until he seems crazy." Lunar bowed, holding a top hat in place that had just appeared. Then she disappeared. How was she teleporting?

Meanwhile, Fletcher was wondering where his hair gel was...

* * *

This may be a little silly, but I had to include this chapter. I don't own SP or any characters.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Valkyrie sighed. It was just so BORING. Her parents were shopping and she had nothing to do. So she was reading a magazine, a MAGAZINE. And not just any magazine, a GIRLY magazine. She growled in frustration and threw the magazine, aiming for the wall. It never hit the wall, though.

"Ow!" Came a noise.

"Hi," Valkyrie said not bothering to look up.

"What's this? Gir- " Valkyrie raised her hand and the magazine flew from Fletcher's hands. "Someone's grumpy." He said as he sat down next to her.

Valkyrie grunted.

Fletcher, very dramatically, sighed. "Well then, I guess I'll have to go on my own."

Valkyrie peered at him, "go where?" But on sight, she froze. He had FLAT hair. FLAT hair! Where's the record books?

Fletcher grinned, "The park!" She got over it.

"Oh," Valkyrie said, completely unenthusiased.

"I guess I'll have to arrest him myself, then."

"Arrest who?" Valkyrie asked, more interested.

"Billy-Ray Sanguine," he said.

Valkyrie jumped up, "Seriously?" She squealed.

Fletcher laughed. "Seriously."

"Then let's go!" Fletcher, still chuckling, held Valkyrie's hand and teleported.

They were at the park, the roundabout turning, though no one was on it. Sitting on the bench, were two figures. At first, Valkyrie thought it was Skulduggery and Sanguine, but it wasn't. It was Caelan and Sanguine. Her attraction to him spiked her again, so she looked away. She stared at Sanguine. He had a bruise covering his left cheek.

"Long time, no see!"

Sanguine growled.

"You are arrested with about 10 counts of murder, 80,006 counts of attempted murder, 2 counts of treason, and attempted exposure of magic. Imagine I said the whole defence thing, you've heard it before."

Caelan pushed Sanguine towards them, glaring all the time at Sanguine.

Suddenly, there was a pop and a voice said, "Well, that plan failed," and it was gone. Valkyrie looked round, but no one was there. Valkyrie took the rope off Sanguine's wrists and put him in shackles.

"Gentle," he said. "I'm tender."

She glanced at Caelan, then teleported with Fletcher.

This was the BEST DAY EVER.

Meanwhile, Ghastly was wondering where his Mum's old boxing gloves were. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Skulduggery was sulking.  
Ghastly was sulking.  
Fletcher was sulking.  
So Valkyrie and Tanith were tired of it all.

They hadn't found Skulduggery's revolver.  
They hadn't found Ghastly's mum's old boxing gloves.  
Fletcher hadn't found his hair gel, though the others weren't really bothered about that.  
So Valkyrie and Tanith decided to go out.

They got dressed and went to see the boys' for the last time before they went. Valkyrie knocked on the door and went in. They were all sat on the three-seater sofa, next to each other, arms crossed, staring at the wall.

"We're going!" Tanith exclaimed.

Fletcher looked over and gasped at Valkyrie. "Why don't you where stuff like that for our dates?" He asked, frowning.

Valkyrie shrugged. She was wearing very small, black shorts, with a black vest top, and a short sleeved cardigan. With it, she wore a clear necklace and thick wedge-sandals. Tanith wore brown leather, but with a different design.

Skulduggery looked over. "I can see your knees," he said.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Not you, too. Yes, my knees are showing, welcome to the twenty-first century!"

"Bye," Ghastly said.

**Two Hours Later**

Valkyrie giggled. She'd just beaten Tanith in the drinking contest. Tanith pouted.

"Another!" She shouted. Valkyrie nodded.

As soon as Tanith left, a guy filled her seat. "Hi," he said. Most of the guys were crowded around Tanith.

"Hi," she said back. The guy was a little bland.

"So what are you doing?" he asked.

"Waiting for my friend," Valkyrie said.

"So, can I have your number?" He asked.

"You don't even know my name!"

"But I know your hot," he said.

"Get away from me," Valkyrie said.

"Why?" He asked.

Valkyrie kicked him in the leg, and he collapsed on the floor.

"What happened?" Tanith asked when she came back.

"Nothing."

* * *

**Don't really like this one, so I shortened it.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Hey, Caelan!" Lunar Tears appeared out of nowhere, to see Caelan on his bed in The Midnight Hotel. He was lying back, thinking of Valkyrie, when she came in. He had only seen her once before. When Texas Boy got arrested.

"Erm, hi? What are you doing in my room?" Caelan glanced out of his window, the sun would set soon, and he'd ran out of the special potion. He was collecting ingredients for another batch, but for now had to stay in his room. The Midnight Hotel was in the desert, and nobody was supposed to be able to come in.

"I thought I'd just pop in, and get to know you some more."

"You don't know me at all," Caelan said, frustrated.

"Oh, but I do," Lunar smiled once more. "So what's your favourite colour?"

"My favourite colour? Why?"

"I said I wanted to get to know you more."

"Black."

"Black?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it is," Caelan said, not wanting to reveal the actual reason.

"Oh, I get it!" Lunar beamed. "It's because that's Valkyrie's favourite colour, isn't it? Ahhh, that's... I'm not sure whether to say sweet or creepy... I'll go with sweet." Lunar laughed. Caelan didn't like being laughed at.

"So what's your favourite music?"

"I don't like music."

"Everyone like's music."

"I don't."

"Fine!" Lunar shouted, annoyed.

"What's your favourite sport?"

"Sport?"

"Running counts."

"Running."

"How many toes do you have?"

"What?"

"How many toes do you have?"

"Ten!"

"Liar!"

"Ten!"

"LIAR!"

"I HAVE TEN TOES!"

"LIAR!"

"It's personal!"

"How many?"

"I won't tell you!"

"Say it!"

"NO!" Caelan boomed.

"Tell me!"

"Eleven! Okay, I have eleven toes!"

"That's what I thought," Lunar said, as she got out a little note book and wrote something down.

"What are you writing?"

"Your answers."

"You can't write that down!"

"Yes, I can."

**One hour later**

"Have you ever been married?"

"No," Caelan sighed, exhausted. The Midnight Hotel went to France, where it was still day, before he could change. He didn't put any energy into his answers.

"Not to anyone?"

"No."

"But, you're one hundred years old!"

"So?"

"Surely, you've been married!"

"I hope to one day..."

Lunar groaned.

"You're not going to be with Valkyrie. She's staying with Fletcher."

"I'll win her."

"She's not a trophy!"

"But she is my prize."

"Get over it!"

"How many more of these are there?"

"A full notebook."

"And how many pages are there?"

"Eighty."

Caelan groaned. "How many have we done?"

"Two."

Caelan groaned again. "Who are you to interigate me? I don't know anything about you."

"I'm Valkyrie's friend."

"You are?"

"Well, I will be soon. Do you want me to tell her that you're a moody bloodsucker, who hates conversations, me and-" Valkyrie checked her notebook "- has eleven toes?"

Caelan was speechless.

"Oh, and by the way, when you do the whole, "I'm-a-monster-but-Valkyrie-and-I-are-destined-to-be-together" thing. It's really off-putting, not attractive. You just look stupid."

Then they began with the questions again.

When they were done, Lunar returned to the hotel she was staying in, and suddenly felt sick. Eleven toes, disgusting. But he still didn't deserve to have that fireball thrown at him...

Meanwhile, Valkyrie was wondering where necromancer ring was.

* * *

**Hoping you're getting the picture:**

**I don't like Caelan.**


	11. Detectives with Hats

Chapter 11

**Okay, this is just really random. I'm sorry, but if you haven't seen Llamas with Hats, you won't UNDERSTAND this. If you have seen Llamas with hats, and dislike it, you will think this is STUPID. If you like Llamas with Hats, then you could think that this RUINED it, or that it's FUNNY. I'm tired, and I WILL be doing Llamas with Hats 2 & 3 as well.**  
**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.**

**IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN LLAMAS WITH HATS, THEN WATCH IT ON THE INTERNET. (Before you read this)**  
**Here we go..**.

* * *

[Skulduggery is sitting in his house. Valkyrie has just walked in. There is a dead human in his house.]

V: Skulduggery, there is a dead human your house!

S: Ho, hey... How did he get here?

V: Skulduggery! What did you do?

S: Hey, da, ga, ha, I didn't do this!

V: Explain what happened, Skul.

S: I've never seen him before in my life. Or existence.

V: Why did you kill this person, Skul?

S: I do not kill mortals, that is, that is my least favourite thing to do.

V: Tell me, Skul, exactly what you were doing, before I came in.

S: Alright, well, I was upstairs.

V: OK.

S: I was, er, sitting in my room.

V: Yes.

S: Reading a book.

V: Go on.

S: And, well, er, this man walked in.

V: OK.

S: So, I went up to him.

V: Yes?

S: And I, er, stabbed him 37 times in the chest.

(Pause)

V: Skulllll, that kills mortals!

S: Oh, oh, wow, I, I, I didn't know that.

V: How did you not know that?

S: Yeah, I'm in the wrong here, I suck. No, I don't. (Laugh)

V: What happened to his hands?

S: What's that?

V: His hands. Why, why are they missing?

S: Well, I kind of cooked them up and ate them.

(Small pause)

V: Skulll!

S: I, I , I was hungry and well, you know, when you crave hands, that's-

V: Why on Earth would you do that?

S: (Voice goes high) I was hungry for hands, give me a break.

V: Skullllll.

S: My stomach was making the rumblies, that only hands could satisfy.

V: What is wrong with you, Skul?

S: Well, I kill people and I eat hands, that's two things. Oh, yeah! Plus, I'm a skeleton!


	12. Detectives with Hats 2

Chapter 12

**Llamas with Hats 2! Detectives with Hats 2!**

* * *

[Valkyrie and Skulduggery are in a lifeboat. A sinking cruise ship is behind them.]

V: Skulduggery, what was all that?

S: I'm not sure what you're refering to.

V: You sunk an entire cruise ship, Skul.

S: Are you sure that was me? I think I would remember something like that.

V: Skul, I watched you fire that harpoon into the captain's face!

S: That sounds dangerous.

V: You were headbutting children off the side of the ship.

S: That must have been horrifying to watch.

V: Then you started making out with the ice sculptures!

S: Well, Thank God that the children weren't on board to see that.

V: Er, Skull, why is the lifeboat all red and sticky?

S: Well, I guess you could say it is red and sticky.

V: Skul, what are we standing in?

S: Would you believe it was strawberry milkshake?

V: No, I would not believe that.

S: Melted gum drops?

V: Noooo.

S: Boat nectar?

V: No!

S: Some of God's tears?

V: Tell me the truth, Skul!

S: Fine! It's the lovely elderly couple from 2b.

V: Skul!

S: Well, they were, they were taking all the crescent rolls.

V: I cannot believe what I'm hearing.

S: I will not apologise for art.

V: Where are the other life boats?

S: Whoa, you one the prize, I didn't even notice that.

V: Where are the other lifeboats, Skul?

S: Looking at the projectory of the moon and the sun, probably at the bottom of the ocean. I put lots of holes in them.

V: Skullll!

S: I have a problem, I have a serious problem.

V: You are just terrible today!

S: Shhhhh! You hear that? That is the sound of forgiveness.

V: That is the sound of people drowning, Skul.

S: That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence.

* * *

**Evillllll**


	13. Detectives with Hats 3

Detectives with Hats

[Skulduggery and Valkyrie are in front of a burning building. Skulduggery has his usual hat on and Valkyrie has a similar one]

V: Skulll, we're suppose to be on vacation!

S: I don't know about you, but I am having a wonderful time here.

V: You toppled the South American government, Skul.

S: The people have spoken. Viva la resistance.

V: You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan!

S: He was a traitor and a scoundrel.

V: He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into a giant fan!

[A foot kicks in Skulduggery's ribs]

S: Oh! That was a foot! It appears that I have swallowed an entire person!

V: That would be the hotel bar tender.

S: That explains why my mohito is taking so long.

V: It was horrifying! Your mouth unhinged like a snake!

S: Wow! That sounds pretty awesome!

V: I can't go anywhere with you, Skul.

S: That hurt my feelings, now we're both in the wrong.

V: I wanna go home, we're leaving.

S: In that case, I should probably mention I filled out case with vampire meat.

V: What?

S: Well, I'm building a meat dragon and not just any meat will do.

V: You know what? Forget it! I'm not even shocked anymore.

S: Ah, that's no fun!

V: This is becoming the norm for you, Skul.

S: I'll have to try harder next time.

V: Please don't.

S: I feel like I've been issued a challenge.

V: Skulllll!

S: It's too late now, You!

V: You?

S: I totally don't remember your name.

V: We've known each other for five years!

S: And what an impression you've made!

V: My name is Stephanie!

S: What?

V: I said my name is Stephanie!

S: Oh, I thought you were a man.

V: Why would you think that?

S: Mostly the hat. Are you sure?

V: Of course, I'm sure!

S: Well... If you excuse me, I have some pictures to delete, off my computer. 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Dear Caelan,

I have heard that you have feelings for Valkyrie. I have guessed this for some time, but recently I have had it confirmed. I just wanted to write this letter to you to say...

BACK OFF MY GIRLFRIEND!

Yours sincerely,

Fletcher


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Dear Caelan,

I am writing to you, as I don't think you got my letter last time. It said:

BACK OFF MY GIRLFRIEND!

In case you did, and incompetently ignored it, (you're not the only one who can use big words), I have added an extra note.

I have a girlfriend! Na Na Na Na Na! And you haven't! Ha! In your face moody vampire boy!

Yours sincerely,

Fletcher

P.S Please don't kill me.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Valkyrie added the finishing touches to her costume. It was Halloween. Valkyrie loved Halloween. It was one of the best times of the year. Going trick or treating was a little stupid, though, and when she'd told Fletcher and Tanith that they were too old to go trick or treating this year, they were heartbroken.

She was dressing up as one of those gothic fairies. She had spent an hour spiking her hair into a new hairstyle. She began to feel like Fletcher. She had tights with a cobweb design on them. A slightly above knee length dress, Which was black, silver and red. The main colour was black, with a red corset around it and silver layers sticking out. Her wings were held in place and her boots were tied. She refused to wear any make-up, but when she looked in her mirror, she was wearing pale foundation, black eye make-up and red lipstick. Valkyrie was horrified, but reasoned that it completed the look. Tanith was sooooo going to get tricked this year.

The doorbell rang and Valkyrie stumbled throught he dark to the door. When she opened it, a tall, seventeen-year-old boy stood there. Fletcher had pale make-up on too, with black circles around the eyes. He had torn his clothes and smiled. Valkyrie laughed at him. She guessed he came as a zombie.

"Zombies aren't supposed to be laughed at!" Fletcher moaned. Valkyrie let him in. Her parents were at an adult party.

"I laugh at zombies all the time! By the way, zombies smell a lot worse."

Fletcher hugged her. She poked him with the wand she had found. The doorbell rang again. Fletcher got the door, with Valkyrie waiting anxiously beside him. Skulduggery was there.  
Wearing no costume at all. He was stood there, wearing no facade, with another suit.

Valkyrie groaned. "You did this last year!"

"But I don't need a costume! I am a halloween character myself!" Skulduggery explained.

"But dressing up is the fun thing about halloween!"

"Tough!"

He came in and sat down on the chair.

A few minutes later, Tanith and Ghastly came. Tanith's costume was came as a corpse detail was extravagent, and it made Valkyrie look underdressed looking at her. She looked at Ghastly, who had nothing halloweeny except a cape, which he seemed to not realise he was wearing.

Skulduggery went to congratulate Ghastly on not wearing a costume, but stopped when he fully saw him.

"You're wearing a cape!" He exclaimed. Ghastly looked down at his shoulder, and his eyes widened as he saw the cape. He looked up to Tanith's grin and then to Skulduggery. He sighed and sulked for a minute.

"Tanith loves to secretly put things on people," Valkyrie said, as she remembered her face.

Then they set off.

They were going to Valkyrie's school disco. The music was stupid and the decorations were awful, but the costumes were great. At first, people stared, but as more people arrived, the stares lessened. Valkyrie was eating a hot dog, when a crowd formed around one area of the dancefloor. She caught sight of Fletcher searching for her, so she went over.

A man was glaring at Skulduggery, who was rubbing his fist. Blood was rushing out of the mans nose and dripped onto his costume. Skulduggery found Valkyrie, grabbed her arm and whispered, "We're leaving."

Valkyrie was shocked. "Why?" She whispered back. Tanith and Ghastly had come back with Fletcher.

Skulduggery's tone went to its usual volume, "That man doesn't like my halloween costume."

Meanwhile, China was wondering where her shoes were.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

**Fletcher's POV**

I sat down at the oak table the man led me to. I accepted the water, so he poured it into two glasses. The water was cold, and you could see the condensation working. I drew a smiley face in it and sighed. I glanced at my newly bought watch, Val was five minutes late. She'd called and said that she'd meet me at the Indian restaurant that I am now sat in. A week ago, she said that she wanted to go on a date with me, at a new Indian restaurant in town. I suggested that we could go to India, but she wanted this restaurant.

I looked around me at the couples enjoying their meals. Each person was quietly chatting at their partner, looking relaxed. I was the only person sitting alone. I fidgeted with my hands for a while. Ten minutes later and Val still hadn't arrived. I started to think that she wasn't coming, and she had stood me up. That was when I saw a girl walking towards me.

She was quite tall. She was slim, with a curvy figure. She had dark black hair and green eyes. Her eyes sparkled in the light, like diamonds. She wore a black top with straps, which had a green bow on it, the same shade as her eyes. She had a pencil skirt, with a green belt around it. Her shoes were black, also with a green bow. The outfit was peculiar, but emphasised her natural beauty. She had dark eye make up, and her hair was wavy across her face. Her eyes were fixed on me, as she sat down in Val's seat.

"Hi. Erm, that's my girlfriend's seat," I stuttered. Her eyes appraised me, and she nodded.

"I know," she said in a soprano voice, "I just thought you looked nervous, so I came to relax you." Her eyes turned gentle.

"Um, thanks? My name's Fletcher." I didn't know what to say.

She smiled. "Hello Fletcher, my name's Lunar. Lunar Tears." That's a strange name. She must be a mage.

"So what did you want?"

"I wanted to tell you, that just because you have flat hair, it shouldn't deflate your ego," she explained. What was that about my hair? I'd forgotten about my hair. Every single shop I'd been to, in the entire world, had sold out of hair gel. It was unbelievable.

"My hair?"

"Yes, it's flat. I thought that you would have spiked it. It suits your face more when you spike it."

"How do you know?" I asked, confused. I reached out and touched my hair, hoping by some miracle, that it was spiky again. It was still flat.

"I've seen you before," she said. I hadn't seen her before.

"You have?"

"Yes," she looked at her watch, "I'd better go, Valkyrie will be here shortly." Before I could ask her how she knew Val's name, she left. I looked out the window to see which way she went, but it was like she disappeared. If I didn't know better, I'd have said she teleported.

A few minutes later, Val arrived.

"Sorry I'm late, Skulduggery had a fight with Caelan, again," she explained.

"It's OK, who won?"

Val smiled, she had such a sweet smile. "Caelan, Skulduggery's a little annoyed at the minute."

I stood up, to pull her chair for her, but knocked over my glass of water. It soaked Val's cute dress. Her mouth hung open and she cried out at the coldness. I stared at the glass.

Oops.


End file.
